John Tang

Old Feelings

Posted in Sketchbook by Jt's Item Roster on April 22, 2010

Old Feelings

For the past weeks I’ve been talking to an old friend. My feelings for Casey were still there. Warm.  Leaving me soft-eyed.  Last weekend she sat in my pew next to her little brother Joseph. Her hair was down, curled with volume. Wore black plastic glasses and a plaid shirt which caught her figure. I prayed the best for her, and after church, we had a nice morning-walk to our cars. Choir faded away at the bridge. People left church quietly. A handful spoke to Father Dan under the portico. Sun was out. Spring’s cold air blew on our faces, and Joseph and my cousin Aileen were a few steps ahead. For a second I even believed she was looking for me. At work, Casey said, there was a long line for high school prom. I made a few jokes how to match corsage, the finest colors. What tips did you give them? I asked. I surprised myself forgetting that I asked her to prom. Inside her house, we were sitting beside each other on the stairs. She wore a blue shirt and shorts, quietly looking down. I turned to her, looking away.

“Can I ask you to prom?”

“Yeah, I’ll go.”

We never went. The day was so nice I forgot the tragedy which ensued, that at times I believe she played her role. But that was my delusion, which carried on until Wednesday, when I asked about her graduation. It was an honest question, but had a hint of bad soil underneath (that I wanted her attention). She wanted to do “something,” so I offered “Chucky Cheese” in good humor. But perhaps she took the texts the wrong way, not responding over thirty minutes. Because as of late, we’ve been texting each other, I knowing well she has a boyfriend. A bit sour, I asked what I wanted: the date of graduation because my cousin’s was close.

“Its may 21,” she wrote.


She was annoyed, I thought. Driving home from JR’s, I kept my ears to the music—heavy kicks and a single piano, easy to follow. I reserved my emotions so as not to fester my self-esteem. Only four months until I move to San Francisco in fall and today was April 21.



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